The Other Mike Church

‘Just write down the first thing that comes into your head.’

            ‘Like what?’

            ‘Well, like that, for example.’

            ‘What? “Like what?” ’

            ‘Yeah.’

            ‘Not exactly Shakespeare, is it, Reggie?’

            ‘What do you want to write like Shakespeare for?’

            ‘I don’t. I want to write like David Foster Wallace.’

            ‘Well, there you go, then.’

            Writing a story wasn’t nearly as easy as it was cracked up to be. Mick must have written the equivalent of War and Peace ten times over in his head, but the moment he sat down to put his thoughts to paper, he invariably drew a blank.

            ‘Just write down the first thing that comes into your head,’ Reg had told him.

            OK, here goes . . .

            ‘Once upon a t—’

            Gosh, this was pathetic!

            I’ve started, so I’ll finish . . .

            ‘Once upon a time, there was a would-be writer who didn’t know where to start. Nor did he know where to finish. All he really knew for certain was that he wanted to write. So write he would.’

            So help me God.

No one will read this rubbish!

            Rule number one of writing: don’t write for no one; write for number one.